Yesterday I came on the scene of an accident near my kids school. It had just barely happened. A mother was holding her son's body in the ditch, another body was laying face down in the snow close by, others were still in the crushed van and a white moving type van was farther on in the ditch. It was horrifying. I was shaking and could hardly drive. I was on my way to the school to pick up my own son, who was at a basketball game, which these players were coming to play.
O God, how does one deal with the pain? Did these kids know you? Did the young man who was dead on impact know you? How will his mother deal with this? How will the town of these kids deal with this? How about the member of the team that were waiting for these teammates to come join them for the game? How does one overcome this, the hurt, the pain, the loss, the questions of why, the guilt, the feelings of why not me - why him, why did I cross the highway???? My heart is so torn for the mom. I could hardly breathe as I drove by with my own son sitting in the seat beside me as I watched her cradle her dead son. How fair is that? Why her and not me? I had been running a few minutes late and if I hadn't, I would have seen it happen - I would have been there.
This morning during my devotions I read Psalm 38:4, 6, 7b, 8,15-17, 21, 22
"My guilt overwhelms me--it is a burden too heavy to bear...I am bent over and racked with pain. My days are filled with grief....my health is broken. I am exhausted and completely crushed. My groans come from an anguished heart....For I am waiting for you, O Lord. You must answer me, O Lord my God. I prayed, "Don't let my enemies gloat over me or rejoice at my downfall." I am on the verge of collapse, facing constant pain...Do not abandon me, Lord. Do not stand at a distance, my God. Come quickly to help me, O Lord my savior."
How totally appropriate. Even as I'm typing this, the song playing in the background goes, "You are faithful to me Lord, you are faithful to me Lord..." In spite of the pain and not being able to understand why things happen like this all around us, God continues to be faithful. He is there with His strong right hand, upholding us and comforting us. He wants to hold this woman, he cannot bear to see her go through this alone. This mom's pain is going to be unbearable! The thoughts that must be running through her mind. I can't get her off my mind. I went into a fitful sleep thinking about her and the boys, dreamed of her and woke up thinking about her. My heart is sooooo heavy for her, grieving for her, praying for her, wanting to hug her. The pain that I feel is too great - how much more is hers??? I don't even know who she is and I feel such a loss for her.
My soul cries within me, O God!!! My heart is anguished! How it hurts with such pain at the loss of the son. Father, how your heart hurt when you lost your son Jesus on that cross and you had to turn your back on him so that he could carry the weight of our sins into the depths of hell so that we could be freed and live forever. My chest is tight, tears coarse down my cheeks and my breathing is rapid. I cannot imagine! O the pain of those players waiting at the school when they heard the news that their teammates would not be joining them. O the horrified screams of the vehicle behind them as they drove by the van before them crumpled and their bodies thrown into the ditch. O God, how much can one endure? Who are we without you?? We need you so bad. I do not understand why things happen this way. But do I need to understand or do I just need to trust in you God, in spite of the difficulties around me.
I always find it so amazing how God entertwines people's lives. My friend Nora had called me last night about something that I needed to call my friend Anne about today. Had Nora not called yesterday, I wouldn't have called Anne today. Anne had been called last night by another friend, Linda and was asked to pray for me and for those involved in the accident. It really hit home for Anne. You see, a few years ago when she was 16, she was involved in a single vehicle rollover and she was the driver. The van was full of young girls, including her best friend and her sister. They were all celebrating one of the girls' birthday that day. The best friend and the sister both died that night. Anne knows what this mother last night is going through - what she will remember the rest of her life. Anne has not been able to go through that dark journey without the Lord on her side. There's no way that she was able to make it out of the pit of guilt, despair and unforgiveness if it hadn't been for God's help.
You know, God knew exactly who I needed to talk to today and He had it all perfectly orchestrated. That's what I love about God. He knows exactly who you need in your life, at just the right time and who will say what you need to hear at that time. God is so good! In spite of the hurt and pain that each day can bring, God is faithful and He is good and He is always there to walk us through difficult times. Oh how can we not but journey together with Him rather than trying to go through life on our own. God never meant for any of us to travel alone in our life - He is always sending people through our lives to travel with us, to help carry the load. He wants nothing more than for us to give our pain and our sorrow to Him to bear and to lean on Him for His strength. Without Him we are nothing - without Him we can do nothing. In spite of the pain, in spite of the burdens of our sins, in spite of the many times we mess up, in spite of the hardships that happen around us, God is there, wanting to walk us through, wanting to give it all to Him to bear. Give it to Him today, won't you? In spite of the darkness of pain and sadness looming around us, waiting to engulf us in it's never ending claws, God is there, wanting to shed His glorious, heavenly light into our lives, waiting for us to throw our arms up in weakness abandonment to draw strength from Him and to give it all to Him to bear. As we cry out, "O God, how much more, I can't bear the pain!" He gives us His Hand, He reaches down through the heavens and carries us under His wings. That is the best place to be, in His arms of comfort and forgiveness. Go to Him, dear one, go to Him today.