|me as a tiny babe :-)|
understand her. During my teenage years, there's definitely times when I had felt, well I don't want to say hate because it's such a strong word, but I really really disliked her and was very cold towards her. My mom has mental illness, and as a young girl, a teenager, embarrassment, shame, fear, misunderstanding and bitter feelings flowed quite rampant. I was never taught to appreciate my mom for who she was until now in my later years. God continually worked on my heart for me to see her for how HE wants me to see her.
|the whole family when I was about|
3 months old. We were happy
kids in spite of the difficulties
at times. Our parents loved us.
For many years I was warped into seeing her through my dad's eyes, my siblings eyes and through the eyes of all those around me. Yes there's been many a time where I 'wished' for different aspects in my mother or not to have a father who was more legalistic and unhappy. BUT, God has definitely done a lot of work in my heart and in my mind to see them in the light of who He made them to be.
|my sister Matilda & I by|
gramma Fehr's home
just at the end of dad's
property where we lived
|my siblings before I was born so|
I added myself up top :-)
|Mom & Dad on their wedding day|
Mom and dad were deeply in love when they got married and when I see certain photos of them, you can see it and they stuck together over the years. Many many times, things were really really tough in their relationship, especially with mom's mental illness and her many breakdowns and hospitalizations. Dad didn't always know how to handle things, whether it be how to deal with her sickness or us 7 young kids. Trying to work hard, hold his home together, provide for his family, how to be a dad and mom sometimes at the same time, and continually work through mom's illness...I can't imagine what went through his head some days. He made a lot of mistakes and we didn't always see healthy reactions from him. I can't imagine how my mom dealt with things sometimes either. Her mom passed away when she was 15, she was needy and her siblings were not always supportive either, she needed love and understanding, but no one always knew how to deal with her. Then she married dad and had 6 kids in 6 years and then me 4 years later. Going from baby blue to baby blue on top of her mental illness....oh wow! I just can't imagine! BUT you know what? God knew ALL of that before the world ever began! He had all the pieces of the puzzle put together. God knew how all the mistakes, all the good things,all the sickness, all the legalism and sickness would mold us into who all of my family are today. It is by the GRACE OF GOD that we are all where we are at today!
|mom & dad on their wedding|
day - mom's evening
dress which I often wore
on 50's Day during my
high school years
Some say that my parents should never have been married. I don't believe that. God knew! Where would I be today if my parents hadn't been married. I wouldn't be here. Simple as that. If I wouldn't have had the upbringing I had, and the past that I had, I WOULD NOT be who I am today. God used all of that and used it to create me today. I am thankful for that. I am thankful for my wounds, and my upbringing, I really am.
Love you both, mom & dad! Thank you for staying together forever and never leaving each other. You both loved each other until the very end. You made it through and you have beautiful kids and grandkids. You never gave up on each other. Sticking together speaks volumes...even if it wasn't always a bed of roses. There's such lessons to be learned in that!
True love wins! HUGS!