I'd like to try something different. I'd like to invite you to tell me why you don't go to church. Or if you do go, and don't like it, why you don't like it. If there was no one who knew you or you could say what you've always wanted to say about church and why you don't like it, please feel free to do that in a comment on this blog post. I heard through a speaker one day a number of reasons and I'd like to hear from you. So please, open up and get it out. No one knows who you are when you post it anonymously.
37 comments:
Well I have been going to church since grade 7 and lately I just have been not wanting to go to church anymore. To me, it feels so useless at times, like its not even worth going. I have been trying to continue to go but at times its such a chore. I just doubt God a lot and doubting him has just made me not really care about church.
I do go as often as I can and wish I could go more ...I have to work some Sundays and don't get there. It makes me sad to have my family there without me. I feel it should be a family event.
I am a spirit-filled, tongue talking, Bible believing Christian and I don't go to church. Today's church is very confused. Not at all like it should be. Scripture talks about putting new wine in old wine skins (mixing law and grace) which is the main reason the church is confused. YOU CAN'T MIX THE TWO!!!! And, once you get a taste of what grace really is, you can't go back to the old way of thinking. Revelation says it like this: I wish that you were either hot or cold. But since you are lukewarm I will spit you out of my mouth! Same thing... God wants us all law or all grace but not mixing the two. THAT, my friend, leads only to death. And I just can't sit in a service and listen to a preacher say things that totally contradict what God is really saying. Healing IS FOR TODAY! SPEAKING IN TONGUES IS FOR TODAY. FREEDOM FROM FEAR IS FOR TODAY. HAVING ALL YOUR NEEDS MET IS FOR TODAY. LIVING THE GOOD LIFE IS FOR TODAY! I don't ever again want to hear trash like "God is trying to teach you something with this sickness"; "God let your baby die because he needed another gem in heaven." "God is punishing you because of some unknown sin in your life". TRASH! Those things are being preached because of law and grace being mixed up! These things should never, never come out of a believer's mouth. What a slap in the face to Jesus who paid the price for all of that! This is one of the reasons why I don't go to church!
I dont go to church because I am afraid to go by myself. I really want my husband to come with me and go as a family but he's either too scared or doesnt want to at all. But it kills me inside because my kids are growing up without any kind of church basis or belief. Of course I do the best I can to explain things to them, but its been so long since we've been in church that I dont even remember the simplest of bible stories. I think about it every day and how we can do this as a family unit....so much infact that a lot of times I wished I would have married a Christian. Because now its a struggle and my heart hurts for my kids.
I don't go to church because I feel rejected there. Everyone seems to have their own little group and want nothing to do with anyone else. So I've gone to a different church. It seems like it is the same there too. Why put yourself out there on Sunday to feel that way? Why does going to church feel so lonely? Why does it seem like church-goers are so self-absorbed? I'd like to go to church again.
WoW! I can relate to almost everything "Anonymous" has said so far. Yeah, rejection, cliques, preachers putting their own "spin" on the Word of God instead of teaching what it ACTUALLY says. Some churches want their parishioners constantly high on emotions instead of getting grounded in the Word so that they can be effective for the Kingdom. Showing favouritism (some church members are ELITE compared to the rest). And the point about law and grace is SO relevant to our times. They cannot be mixed, and most preachers don't seem to have a good grip on what that means. We are supposed to be New Covenant believers who embrace freedom in Christ, not adherance to laws, which the Word says is the "ministry of death". I have learned way more truth outside of the church setting than inside, allowing the Holy Spirit to retrain me thanks to one excellent radio ministry, and one excellent online ministry and of course, the Word itself.
I'm going to go out on a limb and post my identity, not condemning those who did not.
I like to teaching, the lessons, the head-knowledge. I don't dislike the singing (sorry, I cannot get used to using the term "worship" for singing as it feels limiting to the word. Worship is so much more.) but I'm not a great singer so my efforts is true, but limited.
Where I struggle with it is in the superficiality of some people. Not all. If you choose the words, "How are you doing?" please don't force me to lie to you because 1. you aren't prepared to hear the full truth, 2. I don't know you well enough to be comfortable telling you everything, or 3. you are only prepared to listen, not actually help in any real way that would bring about a solution or end to the problem(s) expressed to you.
Back to effort. Please, loving staff (I mean that, not being sarcastic), don't ask for people to serve, volunteer or commit time or resources, then send them, their hard work, or their gifts away. "Work as though working for the Lord." Yes, but some affirmation, not praise from men, but affirmation that actually keeps a person motivated to serve and not fall back into temporary self-satisfying time usage, goes a long way.
Ending on a positive note, our church is addressing hospitality and not letting those guests feel left out or neglected as it is sad to read in previous comments. But, I hope they also improve on not neglecting the core members who've been there for so very long.
Very good discussion here, Lisa. I look forward to a summary of findings and future posts regarding this.
we hear great message's over T.V.
WE DO NOT LIKE OUR EARS TICKEL, Time is to short, can't seem to find powerful preaching!
One comment a lady made was that it wasn't up to the pastor to make people feel loved.... and yes Christians aren't perfect but if they are going to be Christ-Like then they should go out of their way to welcome new people to the church. The people that walk through your church doors are lost and hurting and hopeless... and they are looking for someone to touch them just like Jesus loved you. I believe it's up to only you to make yourself happy. People crave fellowship just like God loves fellowship with us... people just want someone to hear their story and really care about what happened to then, remember these people are hurting and just a simple hello can encourage that person to come to church again and again until they get use to what church is like - worship and praising and gettting into the presence of God. Church is very new to alot of people and they need to take baby steps in their walk with God so they don't get scared away from church.
As a Christian with much experience serving in church, my husband and I decided to join a more low-key community of believers, that we call "church" but isn't your conventional church.
The reason we decided to leave the conventional was because we were finding it difficult to build deep, meaningful relationships with people who were honest, vulnerable, transparent, real, authentic, ok with pain, suffering and brokenness and had a hunger to know Jesus besides going to church on Sunday. We also didn't feel we were being challenged. So it definitely felt like "play-acting" (a phrase Eugene Peterson uses in The Message.
Obviously I know that all church-goers are not avoiding those kinds of relationships, but we honestly had a hard time developing them in your conventional church (even with small groups).
The other reason we changed communities was because I felt the pastor was focusing on law vs grace as others have mentioned. I felt that every message was focused on making you feel guilty instead of how loved you are despite your ugliness (obviously not ignoring repentance). But the point is, it is his kindness that leads us to repentance- not messages that tell us we don't do enough to please God.
Along those lines, I felt we were spending too much time navel-gazing- aka: serving ourselves (all the ministries and programs,and many people burning out on them) rather than making an impact on our communities (advancing the kingdom of God), and reaching out to unbelievers (however this needs to be without guilt and manipulation, but rather inspired by the Holy Spirit) instead of expecting them to come to us.
I found it interesting that someone commented on your facebook, "when does a 'reason not to go to church', become an 'excuse' not to go to church..." I find this comment in and of itself an example of why people don't go to church. It is about law. It is because of guilt.
Maybe some people are making excuses and need to be disciplined by God to grow up and mature. But not everyone. Not everyone is lazy and has an impure heart, or an impure motive for not coming to church. Some people are just tired of "play acting" and not seeing any fruit of their labor. Some people are tired of trying to prove to everyone (and possibly God) that they are a good enough Christian. Some people are tired of the heavy loads that people have put on their shoulders and do not lift one finger to help them.
So those are some of the reasons why I sought out a more authentic community. But with all that said- we are called to love the bride of Christ even if we are messed up- because at the end of the day it is Christ's blood that covers our ugliness and even our "so called righteousness" because as we know, our righteous acts are like "dirty rags" or the more literal translation is "menstrual cloths" to God. So no matter how frustrated I get, I need to remember that the church is Christ's bride. I will continue to love them and pray that all will receive the message of grace and the freedom Christ gives us to live by his spirit instead of the law.
I am so amazed that so many people share my view and have a lot more talent in writing the words than I have. I have always gone to church, I love my Lord and I know He loves me, just as I am, not what I think I should be. I am me, imperfect, not pretty, chubby, not vivacous and I certainly am not part of the 'worship' team. I mostly don't go because I have to work on many weekends. This does not pain me. Though I'm sure it pains my family a little sometimes. When I am there the superficial crap that comes my way, yes, the 'How are you?'s and 'We should get together sometime.'drives me bananas. And the beautiful people up there singing and playing, saying all the nice and proper things and the beautiful prayers...Knowing some of the stuff I know just makes me mad. Yes, people aren't perfect, Christ is, etc...I've heard all the arguements. There are many truly wonderful people that go to church, and I'm sorry that this is sounding so negative. It's a pretty volatile subject...I'm generally a very quiet person, and nice. Sadly.
Very interesting and thought provoking comments. I will add a few thoughts of my own. I can empathize with the comments regarding feeling rejected when going to church but what I have come to realize is that if I am a believer who is following God's word, Jesus' example, and the Holy Spirit then it is up to ME to be a contagious example of joy . If we can all put our pride aside then the church will be the people God calls us to be.
I also want to comment on the law and grace issue so often brought up. I believe that all of us would be forever lost were it not for God's grace but I wonder if we are confusing to new and nonbelievers when we say we do not need to live by the law. Do they know the law we do not have to live by anymore is the Old testament ceremonial laws or do they think that we can do whatever we want? Jesus and the apostles clearly give us a higher standard of living to aim for which includes following his commandments out of a desire to be obedient and more like Him. I wiil finish by encouraging all of the people who have posted so far to be involved in meeting with other believers on regular basis as God's word tells us to do in Hebrews 10:24-26. Blessings!
what an excellent discussion topic! Something I've often wondered myself. I am a regular church-goer myself, and Love my church! Love Christ even more, and think it's sad so many people are missing out, so ya...great topic!
Olga
I've really appreciated the open responses so far. Keep sharing your heart my friends.
My heart feels broken and challenged by the responses you've gotten to your blog entry. We are the church, a bunch of imperfect individuals who love Christ. It is not simply up to the pastors and the deacons to make each person feel loved who walks through our doors on Sunday mornings. We all have that responsibility. At the same time, when our hunger and thirst for the Word of God is so compelling, there will be no reason that can keep us from breaking down the doors of a church somewhere to be fed.
M.P.
I love church and attend whenever possible. I love the human contact that a church brings, and love the pastor, and congregation as well. For those who can't get to church for whatever reason, there is great spiritual food to be found online. My favorite format is is live webcastl, but there are also many archived webcasts that are available as well.
M. K.
Even when I have been in church, many times I feel the need to listen to more, so I will run some webcasts as well. It's a great source for the spiritually hungry.
M.K.
I appreciate you asking the question on your blog. Definitely food for thought, and need for prayer...
But something heavy on my mind...when does a 'reason not to go to church', become an 'excuse' not to go to church...
L.H.
That may be a valid question, Lisa, but going to church does not make one a "better" Christian than not going to church. Because every born-again believer has already been made the righteousness of God in Christ (in your spirit-man), not one thing any of us does or doesn't do gives us better standing with God - that part is complete. When God looks at us, He sees the Perfect One, Jesus. One can't have anything more righteous than the righteousness of God.
A.Z.
No, church doesn't make us better Christians, but it is a good thing for people to come togethr to worship :)
L.H.
I LOVE LOVE LOVE getting together!
You are right. Hebrews 10:25 tells us not to forsake the getting together with other believers as some have done - and I fall into that latter category. I have been and will continue to seek God's leading as to where that should be.
A.Z.
I hope and pray for you that you are able to find it, and that it gives you much joy and peace...I know that for myself I am grateful for ours and truly hope the same for everyone :)
L.H.
Lisa, I must say that this is such a wonderful topic you have opened on your blog. A lot of the "Anonymous" comments are synonymous to my feelings.
Some of the comments seem to pull strings inside of me, making me remember my strong need for God but how I have felt pushed away from "church" because of various negative interactions and feelings associated from my past. However, in light of rehashing negative thoughts these discussions do help me feel a bit of hope, the feeling that things need to change, that others want things to change and that I can make be part of that. I can make a difference, be motivating, give love, be real here on earth to others and to God. Others really do exist out there just like me. This piece of hope brings a smile and a huge sense of euphoria, at least for a short while.
Eventually I hope to ride that euphoria and truly make a difference where it counts, not on my own, but with others. Others who are genuine, humble, and who aren't in a "paid" position to give me love support and care. I truly hope the future concept of fellowship will be more real and heart felt, not a mere gathering to exercise ritualized traditions.
I realize I have answered why I don't go to church, that may be a list longer than Martin Luthers 95 theses.
Randy
AMEN RANDY
I do go to church and I LOVE church... I was in a church for 7 yrs and had to make a choice if I was going to stay or leave. I left the church because i wasn't in agreement with what was preached. I love the people but I knew God didn't call me to that church. I believe "God calls each and everyone of us to a church", you just need to find that church. I am happy to say that I started attending a new church - and I love it there and I know God has called me there. People please don't quit or give up on church, when you do you are actually giving up on Jesus. When I started going to my new church, i didn't wait for anyone to approach me, i put myself out there by starting Bible Study right away ( a great way to meet people) and helping out at a church event. I am a strong christian that didn't want to sit back and was time not serving the Lord, that's one of my purposes in life... to serve. I have been in my new church for 3 months now and I know God is going to use me for His kingdom's purpose... we need to reach the lost just like Jesus saved you once. It's never to late to recommit your life back to Jesus.
Many of these comments break my heart. I am a committed Christian. I go to church 3 times a week for 3-4 hours each time. Some people think that is excessive or fanatical... YOU BET. I can't get enough of God. I love to be in His presence with His people. I fight shoulder to shoulder in prayer and worship and God comes down in every service. Lives are being changed, restored and renewed every service!
Yah, there have been harder times, but only when I have taken my eyes off of God and onto the absurdities of religion.
There is no such thing as a perfect church. We have to find a church where we can grow in God and experience His Power. A place where we can commit ourselves and submit ourselves. If we keep pulling up our roots, we will never bear fruit. God hates powerless, fruitless religion (duty without heart).
There are places where Christians desire to honour God and do what is right.
All right, being accused of giving up on Jesus when one gives up on church ticks me off. NOTHING could be farther from the truth for me. That's when I really learned Who is trustworthy - only HIM. People will fail me, He never does; people will condemn me, He never does; people will guilt-trip me (about not going to church ESPECIALLY), He never does. So NO, I have NOT given up on Jesus, and never will, only because He doesn't give up on me. I AM HIS BELOVED, AND I KNOW IT NOW MORE THAN I EVER DID WHEN I WAS ATTENDING CHURCH.
A.Z.
Jesus is the only one that will never fail us or give up on us. The people in a church, or in any family for that matter, will often let us down or will not meet expectations of others. The human race is a very imperfect people. That's why Jesus had to come, to redeem us all. I don't think God ever wants us to give up on each other either but to keep encouraging one another and to keep learning and growing together.
Thank you for your honest thoughts.
We need to remember that the church is not a building. The church is the body of believers and that we are not to give up meeting together. If you are meeting together with other believers and it's not in a church 'building', you are still meeting together a fellowship. God never intended us to be lone-ranger Christians, just doing things on our own, He didn't intend for us to be isolated on our own little island.
The church is a group of believers meeting together, it's not a building. But each of those believers are human and have faults and make mistakes...they are not perfect. But we can still learn and grow together.
“I rejected church for a time because I found so little grace there, I returned because I found grace nowhere else.” P.Yancey
Anyone wanting to check out a non-conventional church, feel free to check out our community if you're in Saskatoon: http://seedlife.ca/?page_id=15
Some of us need something different, but we still need one another.
I confess, I have lost some motivation to go to church. I find little kids very distracting. Why don't parents take their children out when they are being disruptive?The young children aren't getting anything out of the service anyways. Is this the job of the ushers to remind parents of the well supervised nursery?; I strongly dislike people bumping or constantly tapping the back of my chair. The speaker in our section doesn't work well and it is difficult to hear. It is the only section I can sit in. Yes, I should tell them to fix the speaker. In regards to the sermon :I would like more then the basic intro to the bible text, I like and learn from stories and illustrations. I need more meat vs just an intro to the topic. I wish there was a women's or couple's Sunday School hour between the morning services. I would definately make more of an effort to attend the service and Sunday School hour.
In the Book of Acts when the church began, Peter clearly let the people in Israel know that God has made Jesus, whom they crucified, to be both Lord and Messiah. The words convicted them deeply and they asked what they should do? Peter replied, "Each of you must turn from your sins and turn to God, and be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of sins. Then you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit....Those who believed Peter were baptized and added to the church--about three thousand in all. They joined with the other believers and devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and fellowship, sharing in the Lord's super and in prayer. A deep sense of awe came over all of them and the apostles performed many miraculous signs and wonders. And all the believers met together constantly and shared everything they had. They sold their possessions and shared the proceeds with those in need. They worshiped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord's Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity--all the while praising God and enjoying the goodwill of all people. And each day the Lord added to their group those who were being saved." Acts 2:36-47
That was the church people. They met together in groups, they learned God's Word together, they prayed together, they matured in their faith together, they ate together, they had fellowship together. It's so important to gather together with other believers for fellowship, prayer and teaching. It's the way to grow. All believers are brothers and sisters in the family of God...it doesn't matter which 4 walls you gather together in, but it does matter if you gather together with other believers.
Hebrews 10:25 was mentioned in an earlier comment, that we are not to forsake, give up, turn away from gathering together and meeting with other believers. That is so true! We are all such frail human beings that often fall short of who God intended us to be. But we are HIS people, and we are not to give up on one another but to continue encouraging each other and having fellowship together.
Ephesians 4 also reminds us to lead a life worthy of our calling because we've all been called by God. We are to be humble and gentle, patient with each other, overlooking one another's faults (making allowance for each other's faults) because of our love. We are to keep ourselves united in the Holy Spirit and bind ourselves together with peace. WE ARE ALL ONE BODY, WE HAVE THE SAME SPIRIT, AND WE HAVE ALL BEEN CALLED TO THE SAME GLORIOUS FUTURE. There is only ONE Lord, ONE faith, ONE baptism and there is only ONE God and Father who is over us all and in us all and living through us all. And he's also given gifts to the church "to the people of God" and their responsibility with those gifts is to equip God's people to do his work and build up the church, THE BODY OF CHRIST....holding to the truth in love, becoming more and more like Christ in EVERY way. Under HIS direction, the WHOLE body is fitted together perfectly and as each part does its own special work, it helps the other parts grow, so that the WHOLE body is healthy and growing and full of love.
OOOH, now, THAT's the kind of church I WANT to be a part of! And one that we can ALL be a part of together, regardless of the 4 walls that we meet together in. We are ALL part of the body of Christ. AMEN!
Who shall separate us from the LOVE OF CHRIST??? Shall trouble or hardship or persection or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? Romans 8:35 NIV I enjoy going to church and being feed the word by a Godly Pastor who speaks the truth. Nothing will ever separate me from relationship with Christ... it's Him I live for. God wanted us to build churches and come to worship Him... this was Gods plan not mans.
Not even not attending church shall separate us from the love of Christ - that's pretty great.
I do attend on a regular basis, but I understand those who don't - I used to find more grace in the local bars than I find within our churches (I don't suppose it has changed, I just don't go to the bars now). I have often thought that the reason for this is that in church people feel the need to prove themselves, while in the bar the common theme is that we are there to forget and leave our troubles behind. This is indeed backwards since Christ has forgiven us and He is perfecting us - we should be going to church to celebrate and leave the posturing to the bars.
No one is to judge you on if you go to church or not... God will judge you one day. Love one another just as Christ loves you.
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